Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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