do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
