Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
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yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
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I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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