One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
