well you can't waste a boner
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She told me I should be a condom model.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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