i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
false alarm. still invincible.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
