why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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