How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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