I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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