the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
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