Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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