just tell him i said nine months
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
