is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
