Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
