i would punch a child for taco bell
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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