Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
