Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
