i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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