AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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