haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
