I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize