No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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