Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
