It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Randomize
