Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
