that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
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