i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Randomize
