if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
