Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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