I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
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Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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