4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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