You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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