ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I bet he comes in French.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
