the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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