Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
