...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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