Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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