I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
