Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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