I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Randomize
