So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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