its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
