Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
