We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
