hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
How external is "for external use only"?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
