Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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