I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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