Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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