I only kidnapped one of them. chill
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize