..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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