im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
