it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
