Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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