When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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