Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
