Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
