it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
