I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
