I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize