So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
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He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
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You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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