my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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