were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
