i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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