grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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