i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
