It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
