I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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