you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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