Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
he high fived his dick after we had sex
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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