Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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